Holding space for finding spaces
If the Wicked promo tour has taught us anything it's that there's power in physical connection
The Wicked promo cycle is the gift that keeps on giving. Personally, it’s more Jonathan Bailey and Jeff Goldblum realizing they’re in love, less Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo constantly crying. But really, truly — and I mean this with my whole heart — there was one (1) thing that made November bearable and it was this.
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Me:
The space I’m holding:
Everyone’s already covered the confoundifying layers to this specific moment (and honestly to the press tour as a whole) so I won’t talk about all that. The movie was fun, the music was great, Ariana did steal the show—but what else is one to do now that the greenifyed high is over, at least for another year?
2024 was bleak, 2025 looks bleak. For many of us, it’s been a soul-crushing, brain-rotting, illusion-shattering few weeks…months…years…. TikTok trends seem determined to throw us back into the worst of skinny culture/beauty standards of the 2000s or head first into neo-conservatism/incel/alt-right idiocy. I’m annoyed by almost all social media because the content feels shallow or reactive and the discourse does, too.
So here I am holding space for the girl who literally cannot even.
I think we’re all a little brain dead—and I don’t mean that figuratively. I think we’re not sleeping or resting in the same way we used to/need to and that’s leading to literal brain damage. We used to stare at stars, decide three dots looked like some dude’s belt, and write stories about what that could mean for humanity. Now we’re processing real trauma1 through memes and looking for any sort of instant fix to distract us from the sheer amount of data being shoved down our throats.
Holding space is a laughable concept because we have nothing else to do BUT witness other people’s lives on loop while having absolutely no space or time to process. We are overly connected to each others thoughts, feelings, whims and judgement while being more and more physically disconnected.
Working remotely, connecting online; feeling too busy, too poor, too burdened to find third places, to plan trips or reunions or girls nights. “I’m holding space for you” is all we can offer when we’re spread so thin emotionally, financially, physically. Friends scattered across states and countries; people struggling to work and keep any semblance of balance; politics and cruelty seeping into spaces until it no longer feels safe or fun to go certain places, and indeed places being further and further limited because businesses are closing or hard to get to or don’t want hanger-ons.
This started as one thing — a silly post to poke fun at a trending meme — and now here I am spiraling about IRL friends and third spaces. But I look to this weekend, meant to be one of gratitude, complicated by the representation of colonization and violence, and I wonder…what are we meant to hold space for? Is this it? A series of viral moments to make us feel light and alive and a part of something?
It’s all a little isolating. A little numbing. So what could capture our interest more than someone clinging to a single finger of a woman she’s so obviously trauma-bonded with across some sort of insane, physical experience?
We should all of us hold space.
For “Defying Gravity” lyrics, of course.
But also —
In person community building. Family, friends, book clubs, classes, hobbies, activities. Actually being in the same room with people to talk and process the talking in person through talking.
Tangible media. Be that reading a book, doing a puzzle, journaling or scrapbooking, going to the movies with an opening night crowd. Connecting to the physical experience of doing something.
Engaging with the world beyond social media. Reading about current events, picking a cause and getting involved with groups, mutual aid, or advocation.
Giving back with more than just thoughts, prayers, hopes and feelings. Find an angel tree and buy Christmas gifts for kids and families. This is my second year volunteering with a children’s law office to give gifts to kids in the foster system and it’s one of my favorite things to do.
Giving back, period. Especially on a stained holiday like “Thanksgiving.” You can donate to Indigenous-focused funds like Indigenous Women Hike and National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center or look at this map and give directly to the Nations whose land you live on.
Ariana and Cynthia may be pushing the limits on how much people should cry in public before just going to sleep. But there is something romantic (not in a capital-L love kind of way) about needing each other’s physical presence so much—and being so moved by another person’s energy.
So forget the likes and the content and the scrolling and the memes and get yourself someone to hold hands fingers space with.
COVID, Trump’s first election, January 6, Trump’s second election, Trump’s nominees and threats, housing crisis, environmental collapse all come to mind