Bridgerton over troubled water

New showrunner, new episode drop, new drama as I try to put to words what was so frustrating about this season of Bridgerton

Jun 20, 2024

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Season 3 of Bridgerton—Polin’s time—was a big letdown. After promising the spiciest, sauciest season, most viewers were left underwhelmed by a tepid first half and an even more frustrating second. This friends-to-lover courtship should have had humor and fun and, you know, friendliness. Instead, there was panicked stares, mind-numbing fights, and about 27 separate side plots.

The promo and PR coming into this season was god tier. I was sat and ready. So here I am feeling like Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront:

I don’t agree that they have no chemistry or all fault lays on Colin for being uninteresting. I do agree that the season’s leads should have been featured more. I think Jess Brownell (the new showrunner) had either too ambitious a vision or a general disdain for Penelope as a character. There are rumors a few intimate scenes were cut and, while that may never be verified, it is strange that a sex-forward romcom show like this would have its last intimate scene of the stars1 in episode 5 of 8.

Having read the book in the middle of the season’s two parts, I feel even more confused by some of the choices made. Yes, they kept Colin from being so much of a dick. Yes, they gave Penelope more autonomy and control of her Whistledown secret. But they also took out all the fun. I’m by no means against artistic license (especially for a show that set out to say “we’re not like other historical dramas”) but a season that should have been about a deep rooted friendship blossoming into a fun and sexy surprise—full of horny behavior at balls and parties—instead became dour in pretending the secret of this gossip columnist was life or death. We had all the pieces there to make it fun and instead we got…nothing.

So allow me this indulgence of laying out a few key changes that could have righted the ship.

Issue No. 1: Justice for Polin

Penelope needs to decide she wants a makeover before seeing Colin again. And Colin needs to be the one to seek her out to say he’s missed her.
They can agree to their little “help I suck at dating” training program (idk why since he’s so terrible at it) but I do not want to see a single threesome with him.
Slow down the hand injury. Let him say a little more about how he feels because why is she so whimpery all the time? Let there be some laughs and banter. I want Ella and Char by the river or I want nothing.
Make the “please kiss me before I die a sad virgin” more surprising for them both. “You can kiss me too,” he tells her in the book, repeating her name—“Penelope, Penelope”—and it would have been nice here. To linger. To watch her not know quite what to do and him nudge her along. And instead of her running away embarrassed; she should end with a “thank you” as if that’s all she needed from him. We already know she likes him; we need to see him rankle at being thanked as if it was a simple service—as if to remind him he doesn’t get to do that all the time.
But also let her be smart and clever and funny. Let him eavesdrop and appreciate it because that’s supposed to be Her Thing™.
I need less of Penelope looking sad and tortured; we’ve gotten that for two seasons already. Instead, let Colin be horny. Let him be defensive around his family. Let him be awkward around Penelope and mope around his mom. He should write his feelings in his diary. He should yell at Eloise for being a bad friend. He should rent his hair and clothes in exasperation. What he should not do? GO FOR ANOTHER THREESOME.
When he does decide to finally reveal his feelings, DON’T have him disrespect her by interrupting the middle of a dance. Let him find another partner to drag onto the dance floor just so he can try to talk to Pen. Weaving in and out, a few words always interrupted by another turn, all involved growing more confused by the second.
Flashback to their kiss. Let us see the chemistry not the embarrassed stammering and pining and desperation to chase Lord Debling.
And Colin can chase her down—not to tell her he’s a bad match or she can’t be serious to even think about marrying him—but to insist he has something to say. And Penelope can tell him enough, that she’s been there for years and maybe he could have said something then instead of now when she finally had a chance of being something. She shouldn’t be sad, she should be angry that Colin would choose now to toy with her.
And he should pause and be ashamed and wonder if he should let her go. But then the music swells — “Steal My Girl” by OneDirection — and he runs after her carriage.
Once he’s inside, let’s work in some of the book’s more romantic thoughts and interactions. “The world must be populated by blind men or merely stupid ones because how could I not know? How beautiful you are.”
He can give his speech I don’t care. She can (rightfully) be like “wtf dude now that some other guy actually wants me???” And he can reassure her that he wasn’t even thinking of that man he was so distracted by her.
Then he can finger bang her.
He can even propose to her right then and there. But he better go to her family’s house first.
And he can find a mirror and tell her all the things he loves about her. But he should be a lot better at deflowering a girl!
“Touch me.” “Anywhere.” “Not there.” Boy bye!
What I definitely do not need is four more episodes of them glowering at each other. With Penelope always being the one moping around and apologizing. Like, I’m sorry, spending your wedding night on the couch? Jail.
Colin can be mad and confused and chase after her in the dark when he finds out she’s Whistledown. But when they angrily make out he better take her to bed again. Preferably as an instrumental version of “Casual” by Chappell Roane plays in the background. None of this “get in the carriage and think about what you’ve done” nonsense.
Generally, I loved the “You Belong With Me” needle drop. I also would have taken “Clumsy” by Fergie, “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany, “I’m Just A Girl” by NoDoubt, “Want to Want Me” by Jason Derulo, or “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat.

Issue No. 2: You’re crowding my view

Benedict gets 1-2 sex scenes and that’s it. The entire back half (pun intended) features only his naked ass and I cannot care any longer.
The Mondrich’s were done dirty, never more so than their party’s crowning achievement being…a very useless flower popup attraction. I don’t know what that is but my queen would never be impressed by it.
The side eye I would give this thing.
Lady Danbury being mad at her brother for ratting her out at ten-year’s-old sounds in character but did it have to last 7 episodes of tension before that cleared up?
Eloise needs to take stock of how performative her feminism is. Because her whole arc with liking Cressida then ABANDONING her was confusing.
Cressida’s woes got a lot of screen time which meant we were invested in her character. So how am I supposed to feel when her life falls apart??? Honestly I wanted her to get the ransom. Poor girl needed a win.
Francesca can stay. Lord Debling? Sashay away.

Issue No. 3: Settle down on the Whistledown

The queen wants to know who Whistledown is, fine. But don’t make it so serious. It should be playful and silly but not so life and death. In the book, it’s a game. And there’s a lot of Pen interacting with Lady Danbury to guess at who it could be. Let Pen be saucy like that. Instead she’s so ashamed! The whole time!
The whole thing should have been wrapped up by episode 6 with the remainder of the season spent trying to outsmart the queen and Cressida, the couple operating as partners.
If it must be revealed, follow the book and have Colin do the revealing with pomp and aplomb, proud of his clever and witty and very hot wife. Because where is he when she finally confesses? Not standing by her that’s for sure.
Personally I would prefer if it was kept a secret between the queen and Penelope (because, after all, there are going to be other seasons correct?).
Either way, the orchestra should have started on a rendition of “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett and Pen and Colin should have had makeup sex ASAP.

All in all, there’s something strange about the rollout of this season. I expect growing pains with a new showrunner but to fumble the bag so decidedly…. Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton were asked to promote this season without having actually seen the final product. So why set them up to fail by making them repeat again and again how sexy it is? How her own parents would need a special edit because there’s an episode of just sex? How it wasn’t so bad filming since they were always in bed? How it is definitely the steamiest, most romantic season of them all? They were so enthusiastic only for there to be nothing to show for it (carriage fingers aside). There is no makeup sex. No angry sex. No newlywed sex. And you might say, Shelby, calm down about the sex. But I’m not the one promoting a show by citing all the sex!

I know this is not that deep. But there’s something unsettling about this season being so caught up in making Penelope pay for her supposed crimes when those crimes are…writing about facts? There is so much external force telling Penelope she doesn’t deserve to be happy that it starts to feel almost nefarious to make that the central tension for the only non-thin character on the show to face. It’s hidden under feminist trappings of her saving herself, her standing up for herself; but with so much sadness and seriousness and chasteness, it’s hard to feel empowered with a character arc so burdened by shame.

Shame for her crush. Shame for her family. Shame for her column. She is kept in a constant state of belittlement, either by herself or others. Compared to past seasons of fully realized people who had to work out their issues with a partner (Duke Simon) or family (Anthony) always close by, Penelope was left to the wolves from the start of this season to its conclusion. Everywhere around her people have redemptive arcs—her mother, her sisters; Lady Bridgerton with a second chance at love, Lady Danbury with the acceptance of her brother. But Penelope—Nicola Coughlan—isn’t given any joy. Her moments of intimacy are shrouded in insecurity (that he doesn’t actually love her, that he’ll leave her once he knows the truth). And her standing up for herself only brings punishment. Her entire final speech is a “will you still love me?” apology tour instead of a victory lap. She is made to grovel for criticizing the powers that be, the beautiful and elite, for daring to make a mockery of their lives—never mind how they made her feel.

Sure, I like seeing Colin cry when he finds out. And Penelope could do a better job of apologizing and explaining herself (especially to Eloise because that one was justifiable). But like…they can also be happy?? Maybe, dare I say, slutty??

Jess Brownell made a point to say this story would never be about Penelope’s body (since the book mentions her losing “a few stones”). But her body is beautiful! Her body should have been as worshipped and desired as Daphne and Kate before her. But instead, a book that had Colin and Pen humping at every (usually inconvenient) chance turns morose, determined to write away Penelope as a problem child who needs to learn her lesson. The show can’t imagine any path forward except domesticity. All her life she longed for a different path—wanting to travel, to write, to be seen and taken seriously. Instead, she gets a baby out of nowhere23 and is immediately put back on the shelf of matronly figures.

It is just a show. And it’s fine that it doesn’t know how to stick the landing. The book was right there with ideas—where the ton is impressed by the reveal and Colin is turned on by it—but it’s fine. We can always wait for next season4.

I just want to say, for the record, after not letting Penelope know peace a single episode this season, she should have had one moment of being flirty and happy and horny. That would have been the grand finale worthy of my favorite gossip queen.

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