There's Polin in the air
This dearest gentle reader has something to say about the friends-to-lovers in the newest Bridgerton season
Bridgerton is not good TV. But in another very real and important way, it is great TV. Streaming on Netflix, this horny, Regency-inspired romdram is just about as ridiculous as you get get without being full camp. There is an attention to detail almost determined to avoid any historical accuracy—and that goes beyond the rewriting of British elite as an all-inclusive, racially diverse brave new world. The clothes. The contouring. The sex.
Season one was fine. Got a little rapey which ruined it for me but Regé-Jean Page was dreamy and watching him model the pull out method was somehow charming? He probably forever regrets leaving after one season, lured by the TikTok girlies saying he was destined for greatness. But is the greatness in the room with us? Not yet!
Season two was an enemies-to-lovers masterclass with the sexual tension to match. Jonathan Bailey is the internet’s boyfriend and this scene is exactly why:
He makes a grown man being scared of bees sexy. He—multiple times!—sniffed his girl and made it swoon-worthy. Most importantly, he proved a leading man is only as good as his facial hair. The final episode was mid but that penultimate? GIRL. The whole season was the female gaze incarnate.
Which brings us to season three. Meant to feature Colin Bridgerton’s story (brought to you by Luke Newton and botox), it’s real star is Penelope Featherington. She’s a longtime bff of the Bridgerton crew but she is also Lady Whistledown herself (this show’s Gossip Girl). As the social outcast (because the ton might not mind racial diversity but body diversity is a step too far), she has been able to entertain and castrate the elite in equal measure. Sure, she could be reactionary, quick to destroy her own friends when they piss her off. Eloise (Colin’s sister, Pen’s BFF) found out and hates her for it because, honestly, Penelope was a bit of a bitch to her. But if we’re supposed to give Rory Gilmore a chance, then I’m for sure making excuses for anything actress Nicola Coughlan Penelope does.
The press cycle for this long-awaited, strike-delayed season was the gift that kept on giving. These actors all seem like they’re having the best of times, no one more so than stars Luke and Nicola together. They ooze compatibility and her charisma alone makes any clip of them watchable. When people complained about the forced chemistry between Sydney Sweeney and Greg Powell, this is what they wanted instead. Something to make people frantically google “Luke Newton girlfriend.”
It should have been a friends-to-lovers classic trope. Last season, he was overheard telling his laughing friends that he would never date Penelope. She pined and he took her for granted. Like John Hughes’ Some Kind of Wonderful, there would be longing looks, confused feelings, practice kisses and finally an apology tour.
But…this season—of which we’ve only received half so far1—was mid. There are many complaints about the balance in being an ensemble show while still giving space for one main romance. And again, this is not necessarily high brow television. It is fun and flirty and has a good time playing with some of the quirkier sets of characters (Penelope’s sisters were a bright spot this season). But it also struggles to know exactly what to give the audience. Colin’s sister Francesca is the belle of the ball this “season,” and I like the portrayal of her sort of neurodivergent girlie figuring romance out. I love when a mean girl turns out to be a misunderstood girl and I want one of these characters to be queer so badly that I’m rooting for Eloise and Cressida to work it out Chappell Roan style. There were complaints about the handling of Black characters—and this fantastical worldbuilding—in the first season, so they have given more screen time to their only Black family, the Mondrichs. Which would be great except they don’t seem to know what to do with them. I would have welcomed more interactions between the different families (let them throw a party!) but they are kept pretty siloed off from the main cast. Then you have the queen, the matriarch of the Bridgerton clan, some mysterious younger brother of the ton’s most hands-on independent lady, and Benedict is there whoring it up as usual. And because of all these B-, C-, and D-plots, there is actually very little time with the main pair.
Colin and Pen’s interactions are kept to a minimum. Pen, of course, features heavily in a few other storylines but any chance he has of redeeming himself is really limited to about 30 minutes of solo screen time. Too much of which is spent in the throes of the world’s mildest threesome while he ponders life’s meaning (Challengers this is not).
So what did we get?
Episode one he comes back from his plastic surgery summer abroad a rake and a cad and is confused why Pen doesn’t like him, then says sorry when he finds out.
Episode two has him trying to teach her how to woo gentlemen but he is kind of bad at it? Then everyone finds out and mocks her so she begs him to kiss her so she doesn’t die a sad virgin.
Episode three sees him have a steamy dream about Pen thus altering his brain chemistry to realize she is, in fact, hot.
Episode four has him wondering how to get her maybe? And he takes his sweet time moping about it as she moves forward with her life.
But that’s the thing:
If you are someone who doesn’t realize how hot and funny and talented Nicola Coughlan is, even in ferocious yellows, then I’m going to need a lot of groveling to make up for it. Sure, Penelope isn’t allowed to be as outwardly funny as the modern-day actress. But she is funny to Eloise and Colin, both of whom supposedly loved and adored her for her wit and whimsy. So Colin’s journey to waking up from his own biases and realizing he actually wanted her wanted her should have been more desperate. And much, much longer.
I appreciate that they made this Penelope’s season but I think they made a tactical error in the final episode. While the show is obviously more omniscient, most of the focus in the first half is on Penelope and her struggle around getting over Colin and finding a partner. But — hot take from this feminist — I think more of this first half should have been concerned with Colin.
The second half of the season can and will be focused on Penelope and her dirty little secret. But that’s exactly why we should have focused on Colin and his realization he’s been an ass. The final episode sees him coming to terms with wanting to want her but, I’m sorry, if my boyfriend ever told me he knew he wanted to be with me cuz he was sad during a threesome…I wouldn’t have a boyfriend anymore. That ain’t romantic.
I get the idea: he’s struggling to understand why he suddenly sees her differently (hello, she’s hot) so it’s longing stares across rooms and stilted avoidance and attempts at filling this newly acknowledged void.
Pulling at hair, writing angry poetry, yelling at your friends for being dicks, publicly standing up for a girl you once publicly denounced is the only way forward. So this episode should have been mostly concerned with him. Not these little vignettes of him trying to be sad and his forehead putting up a fight. More talking more pining and—most importantly—more running.
The carriage scene this. The carriage scene that. It was fun and sexy in a PG kind of way. But I wanted a long shot of Colin literally running after said carriage as an orchestration of Lizzy McAlpine’s “ceilings” swells around him. He needed to sweat, he needed to fear, he needed to beg. And his little speech just wasn’t giving leading man getting his girl after f*cking it up for three seasons.
The closest Polin got to satisfying was under the willow tree when he didn’t know how to act around her after their “practice” kiss. I’m glad it was him pining for her but: pine harder. Go further. I do not need him sad that he can’t get it up for his usual Thursday Threesome (please for the love of god). I need him to go a little more feral than interrupting one dance just to…yell at her about marrying someone she barely knew. Sir??? Welcome to 1815??? Sure, talking to his mom about getting out of the friend zone is cute. But if he’s not tortured AND horny AND stuck trying to play it cool like she did for a dozen years, he doesn’t deserve her. He didn’t even cry! In fact, his face did not move. He just pulled big rope and thought that would get her back in full simp mode.
Supposedly there’s a lot more sex and a lot more of Colin…uh…worshipping her body in the second half. Which—good. I am worried it will still feel clunky, distracted by the looming question of when does Penelope tell her fiancé she’s the ton’s Perez Hilton? (If it’s not in the first episode, then Miss Pen will also need to spend some time groveling.) All in all, I think this is better than S1, not nearly as good as S2, and Colin is just fine as a romantic lead. But Keith Nelson did it better.
I don’t want to say it wasn’t fun. I liked Colin’s glow up and Penelope’s foray into blues and that little baby curl. For every disappointment I may feel over the lack of grovel and desire, there is a good TikTok edit there to convince me it was nothing but chemistry. You put some haphazard clips together, emphasize the one time he looked hungry for her, zoom in on two-finger caresses, and I’m a sucker for a rewatch. And, after all, this is not meant to be high art. It is diverting, it is charming—Queen Charlotte has a diorama in her wig. Even the final love scene is set to an orchestration of Pitbull. It is glorious in its impishness. I just wish there’d been a little more Polin in the air.
I actually like that the season is divided with the other half set to drop June 13. It might take momentum out but I think it’s better to have some bits to savor and discuss instead of just ending in one binge.