The good, the bad, and the tortured
13 devastating new Taylor Swift lyrics ranked from intentionally potent to accidentally gave me the ick
There is a lot of discourse around Taylor Swift’s 11th studio album, The Tortured Poets Department. Too long, too clunky, too much Matty Healy—if you’re looking for a problem, you’ll definitely find one. But I’ve come to accept the mess is part of the charm. The unhingedness is the puzzle. As she snarls lightly towards the beginning, she put narcotics into all of her songs and that’s why we’re still singing along.
So before I write my treatise on the album as a whole1, here is a top line (literal) look at 13 lyrics that jumped out at me…for better or worst. Ranked from “songwriter of our generation” to “jfc this can’t be a final draft,” let us descend into the madhouse and see if Taylor’s latest has enough good in there to save it.
How Did it End
“Come one, come all / it’s happening again”
The entirety of the song destroys me. It’s perfect and heartbreaking and everything I want in a breakup album. The real question is why this—her best written song on the album—is buried at the bottom of the anthology.
Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
“I was tame, l was gentle /Til the circus life made me mean / ‘Don't you worry folks, We took out all her teeth’”
“I Did Something Bad” gets saltier with age. She is a fearsome thing to contend with and damn if she isn’t right on all accounts.
The Prophecy
“A greater woman wouldn’t beg : but I looked to the sky and said ‘please’”
😦😦😦
😭😭😭
The Manuscript
“He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was / Soon they'd be pushing strollers / But soon it was over”
I love this line and this song and I think it’s sort of the thesis of the album, a sister track to “YOYOK” and a bookend to Midnights’ “Dear Reader.”
The Black Dog
“I still can’t believe it / cause old habits die screaming”
Taylor captures hyper specific moments and makes them feel universally relatable. Here she realizes her ex is still sharing his location and she spirals thinking about what he’s doing and who he’s with. Throw in a little shade about men always ending up dating younger women and you have a perfectly depressing deep cut.
Guilty as Sin?
“Without ever touching his skin / How can I be guilty as sin?”
I love some religious imagery and this *ahem* self pleasing track is a sexy confessional that pairs well with reputation’s “don’t blame me.”
Down Bad
“How dare you think it’s romantic / leaving me safe and stranded”
Really all I can think of is the alien abduction SNL skit. Doesn’t mean it’s not a vibe.
But Daddy I Love Him
“I’m having his baby / no I’m not but you should see your faces”
Breaking the fourth wall for a joke at her fans expense? It is just crazy enough to work.
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
“In your Jehovah's Witness suit / Who the fuck was that guy?”
Matty Healy found dead in a ditch. Not really, because nothing about how he’s presented here is surprising (sorry, Taylor, you should’ve known) and even he thought it could’ve should’ve been worse2. Too bad the ghosting is what turned her off and not the, you know, racism.
So High School
“You know how to ball / I know Aristotle”
I actually really enjoy this song. But I also really enjoy how Taylor’s compliments to the guys she’s dating are kinda veiled insults. And “touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto”??? I hope this is a metaphor cuz you can’t be for real.
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“Whether I'm gonna be your wife or / Gonna smash up your bike / I haven't decided yet”
In another universe this comes out and I’m fine with it. But this universe already has Olivia Rodrigo’s “Get Him Back” and I just can’t handle the idea of Taylor throwing a fit about “Deja Vu” just to go ahead and release this copycat—especially when it’s not that good.
I Hate it Here
“We would pick a decade / we wished we could live in instead of this / I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists”
I understand the point she’s trying to make but I do not trust her to be the one to use anti-racism to do it. I know this is supposedly more intentional in the song (about nostalgia being a drug and our need to go back a distraction), but she hasn’t earned the right to wield race theory as a narrative tool and it’s painfully clunky here.
The Alchemy
“The greatest in the league / Where's the trophy? / He just comes running over to me / Touch down”
Full. body. cringe. Travey at the big game was better.
More to come, but until then share your favorites, tell me your thoughts, and don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an email.
Signed,
The chairman of the tortured Taylor fan department3
Of course this isn’t the last you’ll hear from me. Expect daily updates as I process this 31-track album in my own due time.
Sources close to him said he was relieved the album didn’t paint him as more of a villain, an honestly hilariously reaction to an album that includes this song.
Listen. I think I’m done with her and she reels me right back in.
Shelby, you & Ashley taught me everything I know about Taylor Swift, I am a student of your podcast… I entered the fandom at the start of the lover era. Tried Rep, hated it. Slowly got lured in by 1989 then as a student of media studies years ago got fascinated by why everyone loved her. I started diving into the backstories & then Rep hit me like Bam. I was Invested & loving every minute of every album I delved into over time. I started listening to your podcast, it was the only swift podcast that wasn’t dribble.
Somewhere there you mentioned your theory on So it Goes and you had me. against my better judgment (I’m a mum of three with zero free time) I couldn’t not go back and listen to you from the start.
All that is to say, I’m a fan, I love the way you look at all this. (I also think Taylor listens btw listening after the fact there are SO many things you’ve said on the podcast that turn up in her work including the albatross)
Based on your so it goes theory I have my own - everything from Rep onwards is chronological. The recent 5 stages playlists really confirmed this for me. And now TTPD works with this as well but I have a Very different take from others I’ve seen. I’m so interested to hear your take & happy to share mine if you are interested
I have a different take I haven’t seen elsewhere- I think alchemy is about the fans with footy references thrown in for fun.
And I think when it’s on the nose it’s tongue in cheek and on purpose