I'll get you, my pretty, and your little friend too

In which the Wicked promo truly loses the plot

There are two things that have been dragging on, trudging forward, ruining feeds and fyp’s without an end in sight. One is the presidential election of which I cannot engage with anymore. The other? The Wicked movie promo cycle.

A Star Is Born found people memorizing Lady Gaga’s own speech without even realizing it.

Don’t Worry Darling had people in a tizzy wondering what would happen next.

But Wicked has its own stars chomping at the bit to cause a scene in a press cycle that already feels like it’s been forever. The musical movie—part one of two—is coming to theaters November 22. Tickets went on sale October 9. The first trailer was in May. The first teaser was in February. Filming began in 2022. And the cast was announced back in 2021.

And they haven’t rested one minute. It’s been Wicked-themed appearances for the duo and press tours and lie detector tests and interviews. All for a movie that should never have been split in two anyways.

It’s not that I’m a hater per se. I was a girl in the 2000s; of course, I loved the Wicked (Original Broadway Cast) album.

But I am a hater of: 1) movies turned into two parts, 2) movies with weird color grading/aversion to saturation, and 3) Ariana Grande. So, yes, nearly everything I’ve learned about Wicked the movie has been against my will. I know there’s new music planned which never works all that well for movie musicals. I know it’s premiering in Australia in early November and us Americans will have to suffer through weeks of discourse before finally getting it stateside. I know they’re trying to make another “Barbenheimer” happen with Gladiator II (???). I know Ariana got paid more. I know early reviews praise Ariana’s performance and tout the chance at a best supporting actress nomination. I know it was Ariana who hosted SNL and Ariana who gets trotted out as the whimsical girl-who-had-a-dream to talk about how exciting this film is. And I know Cynthia Erivo must know that, too.

In a story that is really about Wicked—it’s about “Defying Gravity”—it’s about the green face paint and the witches hat and the dubious Wizard of Oz parentage—it should be Cynthia running the show. And yet where is she?

Not hosting SNL. Not appearing solo to talk about the film. Not wearing anything but green next to Ariana’s demure pink.

All this to say, maybe she’s sick of the Wicked press, too. Maybe she’s been stewing (fact check: she could also be thriving, idk). Maybe the storm’s been brewing. But either way she has had enough.

A fan of the Broadway show (we are legion) took the movie’s classic Wicked pose and played with it to better match the playbill illustration AS ONE DOES on the free internet.

@ferlozarmuch better 🤩 #wicked #wickedthemusical #wickedmovie #arianagrande #defyinggravity #elphaba #wickedwitch #cynthiaerivo #photoshop

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It went viral with only positive, playful feedback. No one was calling the movie a miscast. No one was berating its stars or demanding a redo. It was just a fan edit. But Cynthia was caught in her feels and saw her chance to make a scene equal to the story of Ariana dating Spongebob—and thank god she did.

I think we are all entitled to our feelings. She can be hurt and offended. But to turn that feeling into reaction demands an awareness of context, too. Maybe some perspective? Because starting with “this is the wildest, most offensive thing I have seen” means I’m about to see some graphic porn or kinky tumblr art. It does not mean I see red lipstick and a lowered hat. Immediately any and all justification is out the window.

But let’s step back, give the lead some grace. She chose to look down the barrel of the camera and that work was erased. It was giving ANTM smize but she’s proud of it! And I applaud her for that. But I found myself caught by the phrase “To hide my eyes is to erase me.”

I applaud anyone sharing their feelings and speaking truth to their hurts. It just feels like maybe this random fan on TikTok isn’t erasing her and maybe what’s actually making her feel erased is…the centering of Ariana Grande as the promo star?

She could have felt what she felt and moved on with her day, ask her team to not show her anymore viral fan edits for gods sake. She could have ignored it because again it wasn’t news; it was a TikTok that already hit its peak. She could have called up her therapist and processed why this was worth catastrophizing. She could have called up Ariana Grande and told her the truth—

That she should have gotten SNL instead.

But that’s me projecting.

And at the end of the day, both of these actresses/artists are probably irritating/irritated. It matters so little to me what Cynthia feels about this movie or what Ariana wants from these promos. I don’t like what-aboutisms and out-suffering other sufferers. But I just have to laugh that this could be the final straw—for anyone. That someone could stand on their social media soapbox and say, with their whole chest, that this is the worst thing they’ve seen.

It’s bad photoshop with absolutely no financial, commercial or professional impact on you. It’s not infidelity. It’s not fascism. It’s not genocide. It’s not even a bad look. Somebody give these celebrities some perspective because I absolutely cannot anymore. Not when we’re two weeks away from an election that has already leeched away my joy.

So, let all Oz be agreed, Wicked has gotten enough headlines at this point. We’ve seen the Spongebob memes. We had the SNL skits. And now we know how important Cynthia’s eyes are to her. Let’s just call it good and meet in the theater November 22.